Tuesday night, there was nothing on television to watch -- unless you are a fan of reality shows.
Specifically, the kind where contestants sing or dance for your vote. (Though American Idol kept its final performances short to introduce its new reality show, which I'll address later.)
If you didn't have two hours to watch information that could easily be boiled down to 5 minutes, fear not. I have made the supreme sacrifice and watched them for you, or at least had friends forward the pertinent information.
If you don't want to know the winner and want to keep hiding under a rock, stop reading now.
Otherwise, I am at your service.
I TOLD YOU SO
One headline proclaimed that the winner of The Voice "proved predictions wrong" but mine wasn't wrong. I had said long ago that Josh Kaufman deserved to win The Voice.
The 38-year-old singer from Team Usher won despite an iTunes glitch that forced producers to remove iTunes as a form of voting. His victory marked the first time in Voice history that a coach other than the Pretty Boy (Adam Levine) or the Country Boy (Blake Shelton) won the title.
Actually, Josh is a former member of Team Adam, but the Maroon 5 front man stupidly let him go in favor of Delvin Choice, who was voted off weeks ago.
Adam's contestant, Christina Grimmie, performed ably, bringing back Bria Kelly, Tess Boyer, and Jake Barker to sing her "Bring Back" song, "Team," by Lorde. She also sang a duet with Ed Sheeran, "All of the Stars." On Monday, she and her coach had performed a mesmerizing cover of "Somebody That I Used To Know," and her song with Sheeran was equally memorable.
And Jake Worthington proved that "A Country Boy Can Survive." That was the title of his best song in the competition, performed Monday with his coach, Blake. On Tuesday, Jake also brought back some of his favorite fellow contestants, including Kat Perkins, Ryan Whyte Maloney and Kristen Merlin, to sing "Summertime." He also sang "Play Me Some Mountain Music" with Alabama.
But it was Kaufman, the man with the derby hat and the Mr. Peabody glasses, who had been the most consistent singer throughout the competition. His "Bring Back" song was "Am I Wrong." He performed it with Sisaundra, Stevie Jo, and T.J. Wilkins.
He and Robin Thicke also performed "Get Her Back," and the champion more than held his own.
But some people knew him when. A few weeks ago, this 22-year-old clip resufaced. Watch the 16-year-old singer work it out on Star Search.
AMY WAS ROBBED
It came as no surprise that Meryl Davis and Maksim Chmerkovskiy ended up winning Dancing With the Stars. Well, except to those who thought the person who had overcome the most obstacles should win.
ABC, loathe to hand Derek Hough a second consecutive Mirror Ball, had tossed Amy Purdy under the bus, constantly putting up videos and memes of Maks and Meryl. The judges, particularly Len, had handed out 9's when they should have handed out 10s.
Some friends who watched more closely than I said Meryl seemed to shrug Amy off when she tried to offer her congratulations.
This is the dance that prompted Tom Bergeron to tell Len that some viewers could find "a new use for that rope" after his underwhelming vote.
Tonight, God willing and the storm doesn't hit, is the finale for American Idol.
Caleb Johnson and Jena Irene sang three final songs, including their new singles. In the past, I've always voted for the ones that didn't grate on my nerves like nails on a chalkboard. But this time, for the first time ever, Idol sold the songs on iTunes, and neither made me want to rip my hair out by the roots.
If Caleb's fans are wise, they'll let Jena win so Caleb can make the album he wants to, but we will see tonight.
I WANNA MARRY HARRY
Idol ended early Tuesday just so Fox could plug its new reality show, I Wanna Marry Harry, a show that shows us women stupid enough to believe that Prince Harry is trying to find a wife on a Fox reality show. Fake Harry has nothing in common with the prince, save his red hair and British accent.
A group of bloggers hate watched the first episode for us so we didn't have to and made fun of it on The Wire. One pointed out that the "butler" referred to the alleged prince as "sir." A true royal butler would have called him "your royal highness," she said.
"Has NO ONE seen The Princess Diaries?" she wondered.