Been There, Done That

By Laura Nethken Published:

My favorite color has always been red, but not for clothes. I think I look better wearing black. And not just because I like to dress all in black on Friday the 13th just to mess with people.

Black is the presence of all colors. And white is the absence of all color, until I put it on. I had a pair of white jeans for-ever.

Only because I never wore them. If I had put them on just one time, they'd have been dirty before I left my bedroom. Guaranteed.

Parents dress their babies in blue or pink so other folks know what they're talking about. Nobody's going to say how pretty your bouncing baby boy Bubba is unless you dress him in pink.

It's OK for grown men to wear pink shirts, but send a little boy to school in it and somebody's going home with a bloody nose -- either him or the one who teased him.

Of course if you're dealing with somebody who's color blind, he might still say how pretty Bubba is.

I know a truck driver who's color blind. I asked how he knew what color the traffic light was. He said, "Duh, it's not about what color it is. It's about which one is lit up."

"Duh" is right. They keep the colors in the same order, like never putting red at the bottom now and then just to shake it up a bit.

I also know a color blind electrician. I don't know how that works. Those wires are different colors for a reason. And nothing lights up, unless you do it wrong and then it might light you up like a Christmas tree.

Animals are supposedly color blind. So how come our dog, Duke, won't eat green things?

How does he know which biscuits in the box are green? How come he eats all the Kibbles and all the Bits, except for the green ones?

I wondered (sadly, out loud) why hunters wear camouflage and orange in the woods. If the deer are color blind, they're not going to see them anyway. My husband calmly explained that the camo is to blend in so the deer don't see them and the orange is so the other hunters do.

It's kind of like Duke with his camo collar. Camo would make him invisible, but with a big, white dog in the snowy winters of Ohio, that's the only part of him I can see.

To continue my blonde moment, what I really don't understand is the Braille buttons on the ATM at the drive-thru.

If you have to feel your way through an ATM transaction, how did you get there in the first place? You shouldn't be driving. You can't feel your way through what color the traffic lights are.

If someone drove you there, then let them poke the ATM buttons.

As for the color of cars, we generally buy used, so I don't get much choice what color it is. We had a vehicle in the paper for sale once and a lady called to ask about it.

Her very first question was "What color is it?" Don't you want to know if it runs? Who cares what color it is?

Unless you live in deer country and own a white pickup truck.

My father-in-law owned three white pickups and hit a deer with every one of them. And you can't hide Bondo on a white vehicle.

Black cars are harder to keep clean, but at least you can hide fixes in black.

My favorite color for a vehicle is dark blue, but they say you shouldn't have a dark-colored car because nobody can see you. They also say don't get a bright yellow or red car because it attracts cops like bears to honey.

Wrong! I have a bright red Jeep and nobody sees me, not even the cops (thankfully). People pull out in front of me all the time like the Jeep's invisible.

Evidently it's wearing a camo collar that works right.

Copyright 2012 Laura Nethken

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