Been There, Done That by Laura Nethken

Published:

I'm glad we're finally seeing some warmer spring-like temperatures, but it's making it so I'm not sure how to dress in the mornings. Do I wear a turtleneck for the below-freezing morning temperatures and take a tank top with me for the afternoon when it hits 70?

As if I'd need a tank top at 70 degrees. All that means is that I probably won't wear a coat. As a confirmed freeze-baby, that's about as good as it gets for me.

When it was 70 the other day, I saw people in shorts and T-shirts. That's the way it is for most folks in Ohio. It hits 55 here and everybody is in their summer gear. If it's 55 in California, they bust out their coats, hats, gloves, scarves, etc. Just a little bit of a culture clash.

I think part of the problem of not knowing what to wear has to do with my coat, which my oldest son said isn't even a coat. It's a "jacket" he gave me last year. Yeah well, it did fine for me all winter, although a few times I did wear a liner-type jacket under it.

He kept saying I needed a coat. I have coats, but they bug me. I have a big white one with buttons. I'd rather have a zipper. Cold air sneaks in the gaps between the buttons, which is not doing much for keeping me warm. And when I sit in the car it kind of buckles up under the steering wheel. That can't be good.

I have a beautiful, incredibly warm Steelers jacket, but the hood bothers me. It's all big and bulky back there behind my head. The hood is removable but if I take it off, my hair keeps getting caught in the zipper. I don't like not being able to turn my head because my hair is all jammed up in a zipper.

My son said I should be wearing the coat he got me for Christmas. What coat? He gave me a sweater and a zippered hoodie. No coat. Since he runs around all winter in a hoodie and coveralls, that's what he was calling a coat. And I do wear the hoodie. Every day. Only I wear it in the house. I come home from work, change into jeans and a long johns shirt and top it off with my new hoodie.

And my new hoodie sports a funny little third pocket, which the kids explained to me is a "media pocket." I learned that means I'm supposed to keep my cell phone in it. Good thing, because my hand sure doesn't fit in there.

I found out I have another jacket now, too. A flannel one he gave sometime when I wasn't looking. We were all standing there looking at the coat rack that looked like it was ready to fling itself and everything on it to the floor, trying to determine whose fault it would be -- who had too many coats on it.

My husband had one. I had one. Well, two, if you count the one I didn't know was mine. The rest were theirs, let them sort that mess out when it crash-lands. The ones Dave and I don't wear on a regular basis are in our closet. Like the shoes I don't wear all the time, I keep upstairs in our bedroom.

Our son and his fiancée built this wonderful shoe rack that probably holds 15 to 20 pairs of shoes, which sadly isn't enough. I have two pairs on there. Dave only has two pairs -- workboots and tennis shoes. What else does a redneck need? Evidently, his redneck son needs a lot more than that. I picked up a pair and asked what he needed them for. He said they were his "running shoes." Dave and I laughed ourselves senseless.

That boy practically needs a ride from the house to his car in the driveway. The only time I could picture him running is if something big was chasing him. Probably not even then.

Pretty soon maybe I can trade my workboots for Crocs, as soon as mud season is over. And I'm not doing anything silly to jeopardize the true arrival of spring, like putting away all my heavy sweaters or trying to think of where we stored our shorts and tank tops.

In fact, I think I might have helped usher in spring. It dawned on me as I was about to water the plants that one of them was a poinsettia. That's a winter-time plant. It had to go.

Copyright 2014 Laura Nethken

Want to leave your comments?

Sign in or Register to comment.