Recordpub.com - One for the Books: Marriage

"And she married the prince, and they lived happily ever after." ... Or not, according to three excellent writers who give us their take on marriage. One looks at the first night, one looks at the last dregs, and another takes an overview and gives it her own personal spin.

Elizabeth Gilbert's "Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace with Marriage" is many things. It's an essay about how the author feels about marriage; it's a look at the history and development of marriage as a social and religious institution; it's a memoir of her personal journey toward commitment; and it's a sort-of sequel to her mega-bestselling "Eat, Pray, Love." At the end of that wonderful memoir, she has found the love of her life, "Felipe," and I call this a "sort-of sequel" because only parts of this book continue the story of their romance. Other parts include a travelogue, a look at marriage historically and globally, and family memories.

Gilbert and Felipe are perfectly happy just being together without making it legal. Both have gone through painful divorces, and neither wants to marry again. But Brazilian-born Felipe, an Australian citizen who travels the world as part of his business, has overstayed his welcome at Gilbert's home in America, according to the U.S. Department of Homeland Security, which deports him. Of course, Gilbert can marry him, but even then, he'll have to wait several months before he can re-enter the United States. Because she doesn't want to be without him, the two of them set off on a time-killing trip around Southeast Asia. And she begins a very personal journey toward a legal commitment she really doesn't want to make.

She begins to read everything she can about marriage and shares the interesting tidbits she discovers: "Marriage shifts. It changes over the centuries," she writes. "Marriage has not always been considered 'sacred,' not even within the Christian tradition." Throughout much of history, it has been regarded as a "business arrangement." It is the legalities of marriage that have created some of the most ugliness: Through the tradition of coverture, a woman lost all her legal rights once she married. In fact, writes Gilbert, there was a time when "a married woman did not really exist as a legal entity." And don't get me started on slavery.

While in Asia, she talks to women about their own marriages, most of which bear no similarity to Western unions. Among the indigenous people of Vietnam, she asks the women, When did you first meet your husband? When did you fall in love? What's the secret to a happy marriage? Is he a good husband? The women all laugh at her because to them, her questions make no sense. She was "taught that the pursuit of happiness was (her) birthright," but much of the rest of the world's inhabitants have no such expectation. In lovely moments, she tells the stories of her grandmother, her parents, her aunts and some of her friends. She discusses romance, passion, compatibility, infatuation ("it's a mirage, a trick of the eye -- indeed, a trick of the endocrine system"), infidelity, and practical stuff such as money and the pre-nup, but she almost always leans toward a negative viewpoint. (Her sister told her, "You make marriage sound like a colonoscopy.")

Here's the thing: I really enjoyed it. But I don't know that I would have, had I not read "E,P,L." If you're expecting a traditional sequel, you'll be disappointed. But if you became enchanted with her way of looking at the world in that book, you may like this one. After all, her travel segments are just as good as those in "E,P,L," her sense of humor is just as endearing, and, in the end, her own story is all about love.

The novel "On Chesil Beach" by Ian McEwan introduces us to honeymooners Edward Mayhew and his nervous bride, lodging in a hotel on the Dorset coast of England in the early 1960s. The newlyweds are both virgins, and she is dreading their first night together. As the author drops us right into the room with the two people, we get an up-close look at them, how they look, move, think. It is a character study, a psychological observation of the human condition, of decisions made in haste, pride and humiliation, and the meanings of love. Since it's from McEwan, a favorite of the literati, it's beautifully written, as shown in his description of my favorite character, Edward's mother: "She was a ghostly figure, a gaunt and gentle sprite with tousled brown hair, who drifted about the house as she drifted through their childhoods, sometimes communicative and even affectionate, at others remote, absorbed in her hobbies and projects." It's a small book, but it works on several levels. It's been out for a while, so it's available in paperback. If you like a taste of the high-brow, give it a try. Adult situations.

"Happens Every Day" by Isabel Gillies is her "all too true" memoir of the end of her marriage. She starts out deliriously happy, married to Josiah, a poetry teacher at Oberlin College. She writes that she loved being a college professor's wife, "felt lucky," and was sure her life was "perfect." But, as she looks back at the marriage after it's ended, she sees how she ignored the "red flags" and "warning signs" of Josiah's behavior and the part she played in their union's demise.

This book is also an interesting character study, only these are real people, and the author has a great sense of humor -- even about herself. She contrasts her personality ("I have no secrets ... I'd tell the bus driver I had hemorrhoids if he ever asked") with that of her "mystery" of a husband. ("He is vastly interested in what the other person is doing and thinking, but reveals almost nothing about himself, so you can go through an entire friendship, even a marriage, with him and not know what he is thinking and doing.") My favorite line from the book shows how funny Gillies can be. She describes her husband's waning interest in spending time with her: "Josiah was always reading something ... (but) the reading had gotten out of control. He would read something on his way to reading something else." Her writing seems to flow naturally. Gillies is candid, gently funny, and, considering the subject, remarkably light-hearted. The book never sinks to the depths of despair. It's well written and reads like a novel; I could hardly put it down. It's just out in paperback, and it's a great read.

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BOOK NOTES, One for the Books Extra Online
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Follow me on Twitter @One4TheBooks.
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Check out my blog on books, inspiration, fun and thought-provoking goodies! It’s called “Shine A Light!”

http://blogs.dixcdn.com/shine_a_light/

If you lose that link, go to www.recordpub.com. Click “Blogs” in the blue bar at the top of the page, and find “Shine A Light.”

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LOCAL BOOK CLUBS:

The Kent Free Library’s book discussion group meets at 6:45 p.m. on the third Tuesday of every month in the second floor meeting room at the library. Previous books discussed include “Moby-Dick” by Herman Melville, “The Great Gatsby,” “A Christmas Carol” and “Anna Karenina.” Members come from Kent, Stow and Rootstown, and everyone is welcome. The discussion is led by librarian Kristin Pool. Any questions should be directed to her at 330-673-4414.

The Book Discussion Group at the Randolph Library meets the first Monday of the month, except August, at 6:30 p.m. in the Randolph Senior Center. The group is open to everyone, and new members are always welcome. The library will stock copies of the books each month. Call the library at 330-325-7003.

Pierce-Streetsboro Library’s Book Discussion Group meets regularly on the second Monday of each month at 6:45 p.m. in the library’s meeting room. New members are always welcome to attend and participate in the discussion. The library is located at 8990 Kirby Lane in Streetsboro, next to the administrative offices of the Streetsboro City Schools. For more information, call the library at 330-626-4458.

The Book Discussion Group at the Mogadore Branch of the Akron-Summit County Library, 144 S. Cleveland Ave., 330-628-9228, meets at 6:30 p.m. Wednesdays to discuss books.
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For best-seller lists and more book news, go to:
http://www.recordpub.com/news/article/4765561

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Here are links to other recent One for the Books columns. More links are available on my blog at http://blogs.dixcdn.com/shine_a_light/one-for-the-books/

Politicians Behaving Badly -- http://www.recordpub.com/news/article/4796121

A Vicarious Vacation in Ireland -- http://www.recordpub.com/news/article/4786929

Sex, Drugs, and Rock ’n’ Roll -- http://www.recordpub.com/news/article/4768003

Keep It Short! -- http://www.recordpub.com/news/article/4758011

The “Dome” Tome and “U” -- http://www.recordpub.com/news/article/4753011

Revisiting Jane Austen -- http://www.recordpub.com/news/article/4743712

Fun Christmas Reading -- http://www.recordpub.com/news/article/4727452

Palin-Tology -- http://www.recordpub.com/news/article/4718844


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Thanks for reading One for the Books. Please let us know what kind of book news you’d like to see on this page. Send e-mail to Books@recordpub.com. Send other mail to Mary Louise Ruehr, Books Editor, Record-Courier, 126 N. Chestnut St. (P.O. Box 1201), Ravenna, OH 44266.

“One for the Books” appears the second and fourth Fridays of the month in the Record-Courier. Extra columns may appear on occasion, especially preceding Christmas and Hanukkah.

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Home \| Back One for the Books: Marriage Print Story \| Comments \| Mary Louise Ruehr April 9, 2010 "And she married the prince, and they lived happily ever after." ... Or not, according to three excellent writers who give us their take on marriage. One looks at the first night, one looks at the last dregs, and another takes an overview and gives it her own personal spin. Elizabeth Gilbert's "Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace with Marriage" is many things. It's an essay about how the author feels about marriage; it's a look at the history and development of marriage as a social and religious institution; it's a memoir of her personal journey toward commitment; and it's a sort-of sequel to her mega-bestselling "Eat, Pray, Love." At the end of that wonderful memoir, she has found the love of her life, "Felipe," and I call this a "sort-of sequel" because only parts of this book continue the story of their romance. Other parts include a travelogue, a look at marriage historically and globally, and family memories. Gilbert and Felipe are perfectly happy just being together without making it legal. Both have gone through painful divorces, and neither wants to marry again. But Brazilian-born Felipe, an Australian citizen who travels the world as part of his business, has overstayed his welcome at Gilbert's home in America, according to the U.S. Department of Homeland Security, which deports him. Of course, Gilbert can marry him, but even then, he'll have to wait several months before he can re-enter the United States. Because she doesn't want to be without him, the two of them set off on a time-killing trip around Southeast Asia. And she begins a very personal journey toward a legal commitment she really doesn't want to make. She begins to read everything she can about marriage and shares the interesting tidbits she discovers: "Marriage shifts. It changes over the centuries," she writes. "Marriage has not always been considered 'sacred,' not even within the Christian tradition." Throughout much of history, it has been regarded as a "business arrangement." It is the legalities of marriage that have created some of the most ugliness: Through the tradition of coverture, a woman lost all her legal rights once she married. In fact, writes Gilbert, there was a time when "a married woman did not really exist as a legal entity." And don't get me started on slavery. While in Asia, she talks to women about their own marriages, most of which bear no similarity to Western unions. Among the indigenous people of Vietnam, she asks the women, When did you first meet your husband? When did you fall in love? What's the secret to a happy marriage? Is he a good husband? The women all laugh at her because to them, her questions make no sense. She was "taught that the pursuit of happiness was (her) birthright," but much of the rest of the world's inhabitants have no such expectation. In lovely moments, she tells the stories of her grandmother, her parents, her aunts and some of her friends. She discusses romance, passion, compatibility, infatuation ("it's a mirage, a trick of the eye -- indeed, a trick of the endocrine system"), infidelity, and practical stuff such as money and the pre-nup, but she almost always leans toward a negative viewpoint. (Her sister told her, "You make marriage sound like a colonoscopy.") Here's the thing: I really enjoyed it. But I don't know that I would have, had I not read "E,P,L." If you're expecting a traditional sequel, you'll be disappointed. But if you became enchanted with her way of looking at the world in that book, you may like this one. After all, her travel segments are just as good as those in "E,P,L," her sense of humor is just as endearing, and, in the end, her own story is all about love. The novel "On Chesil Beach" by Ian McEwan introduces us to honeymooners Edward Mayhew and his nervous bride, lodging in a hotel on the Dorset coast of England in the early 1960s. The newlyweds are both virgins, and she is dreading their first night together. As the author drops us right into the room with the two people, we get an up-close look at them, how they look, move, think. It is a character study, a psychological observation of the human condition, of decisions made in haste, pride and humiliation, and the meanings of love. Since it's from McEwan, a favorite of the literati, it's beautifully written, as shown in his description of my favorite character, Edward's mother: "She was a ghostly figure, a gaunt and gentle sprite with tousled brown hair, who drifted about the house as she drifted through their childhoods, sometimes communicative and even affectionate, at others remote, absorbed in her hobbies and projects." It's a small book, but it works on several levels. It's been out for a while, so it's available in paperback. If you like a taste of the high-brow, give it a try. Adult situations. "Happens Every Day" by Isabel Gillies is her "all too true" memoir of the end of her marriage. She starts out deliriously happy, married to Josiah, a poetry teacher at Oberlin College. She writes that she loved being a college professor's wife, "felt lucky," and was sure her life was "perfect." But, as she looks back at the marriage after it's ended, she sees how she ignored the "red flags" and "warning signs" of Josiah's behavior and the part she played in their union's demise. This book is also an interesting character study, only these are real people, and the author has a great sense of humor -- even about herself. She contrasts her personality ("I have no secrets ... I'd tell the bus driver I had hemorrhoids if he ever asked") with that of her "mystery" of a husband. ("He is vastly interested in what the other person is doing and thinking, but reveals almost nothing about himself, so you can go through an entire friendship, even a marriage, with him and not know what he is thinking and doing.") My favorite line from the book shows how funny Gillies can be. She describes her husband's waning interest in spending time with her: "Josiah was always reading something ... (but) the reading had gotten out of control. He would read something on his way to reading something else." Her writing seems to flow naturally. Gillies is candid, gently funny, and, considering the subject, remarkably light-hearted. The book never sinks to the depths of despair. It's well written and reads like a novel; I could hardly put it down. It's just out in paperback, and it's a great read. Copyright © 2010 by Mary Louise Ruehr. ------ ------ BOOK NOTES, One for the Books Extra Online ------ Follow me on Twitter @One4TheBooks. ------ Check out my blog on books, inspiration, fun and thought-provoking goodies! It’s called “Shine A Light!” http://blogs.dixcdn.com/shine_a_light/ If you lose that link, go to www.recordpub.com. Click “Blogs” in the blue bar at the top of the page, and find “Shine A Light.” ------ LOCAL BOOK CLUBS: The Kent Free Library’s book discussion group meets at 6:45 p.m. on the third Tuesday of every month in the second floor meeting room at the library. Previous books discussed include “Moby-Dick” by Herman Melville, “The Great Gatsby,” “A Christmas Carol” and “Anna Karenina.” Members come from Kent, Stow and Rootstown, and everyone is welcome. The discussion is led by librarian Kristin Pool. Any questions should be directed to her at 330-673-4414. The Book Discussion Group at the Randolph Library meets the first Monday of the month, except August, at 6:30 p.m. in the Randolph Senior Center. The group is open to everyone, and new members are always welcome. The library will stock copies of the books each month. Call the library at 330-325-7003. Pierce-Streetsboro Library’s Book Discussion Group meets regularly on the second Monday of each month at 6:45 p.m. in the library’s meeting room. New members are always welcome to attend and participate in the discussion. The library is located at 8990 Kirby Lane in Streetsboro, next to the administrative offices of the Streetsboro City Schools. For more information, call the library at 330-626-4458. The Book Discussion Group at the Mogadore Branch of the Akron-Summit County Library, 144 S. Cleveland Ave., 330-628-9228, meets at 6:30 p.m. Wednesdays to discuss books. ------ For best-seller lists and more book news, go to: http://www.recordpub.com/news/article/4765561 ------ ------ Here are links to other recent One for the Books columns. More links are available on my blog at http://blogs.dixcdn.com/shine_a_light/one-for-the-books/ Politicians Behaving Badly -- http://www.recordpub.com/news/article/4796121 A Vicarious Vacation in Ireland -- http://www.recordpub.com/news/article/4786929 Sex, Drugs, and Rock ’n’ Roll -- http://www.recordpub.com/news/article/4768003 Keep It Short! -- http://www.recordpub.com/news/article/4758011 The “Dome” Tome and “U” -- http://www.recordpub.com/news/article/4753011 Revisiting Jane Austen -- http://www.recordpub.com/news/article/4743712 Fun Christmas Reading -- http://www.recordpub.com/news/article/4727452 Palin-Tology -- http://www.recordpub.com/news/article/4718844 ------ Thanks for reading One for the Books. Please let us know what kind of book news you’d like to see on this page. Send e-mail to Books@recordpub.com. Send other mail to Mary Louise Ruehr, Books Editor, Record-Courier, 126 N. Chestnut St. (P.O. Box 1201), Ravenna, OH 44266. “One for the Books” appears the second and fourth Fridays of the month in the Record-Courier. Extra columns may appear on occasion, especially preceding Christmas and Hanukkah. Comments By Posting to this site, you agree to our Terms of Service Be polite. Inappropriate posts may be removed. Recordpub.com doesn't necessarily condone the comments here, nor does it review every post. Login above or Register to comment. 0 Total Comments Home \| Back
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