By Ruth Knestrict Smith
Every Mother's Day, newspapers run articles about the plight of motherhood in today's culture. Statistics are given on how much a mother's time is worth in business dollars per year (over $100,00, some say); how, on the average, mothers in today's work environments make less than men in comparable positions; and how the burden of managing home and family life rests more heavily on women's shoulders than men's even if the woman is working.
By nature I tend to be very forgiving and somewhat philosophical about these things. I recognized early life isn't fair.
However, this Mother's Day finds me less forgiving. I'm finding I see many things from a different angle now that I'm over 50.
In assessing and pondering the "what ifs" while reading the various articles and statistics, I realized my life plays like one of those case studies researchers insert into their narratives to prove a point.
I graduated from college and started working in professional jobs right away. Then, at 30, I married, quit my job and went with my new spouse to another state. He was offered a transfer that met his career needs and we wanted to be together.
To be honest, I didn't agonize about my career side of it. I figured I could get another position in the new place, maybe a better one, and I did.
***
It was motherhood that "did me in," professionally speaking.
Three years later we had a child, were transferred three more times across country and back again due to my husband's job, and settled in Ohio 10 years ago.
I opted for at-home motherhood throughout because it seemed best for our family, and I was able to do so.
I also recognized (yet again) that I was not willing to do what women who are mothers have to do to "have it all" " especially in a business career. (And, to crystallize the difference, do most men, after children are born, have to spend much time thinking about the energy and sacrifice for self and child it takes to "have it all?")
After 10 years I decided to re-enter the work force. We live in Kent so I looked for a job at Kent State University. It's a big place and I figured there would be opportunity in a variety of areas that would fit my professional training.
There were opportunities, but I found out very quickly that in no way would I be considered for any that were above the level of some version of clerical support in civil servitude, mostly due to the fact that my 10 years as an at-home mother were essentially perceived as anathema to anyone interviewing me.
Forget my decade of very solid professional experience and countless hours of volunteer service. Couple this with vying for positions being sought after by younger professionals (especially younger women) and it became, at times, a very depressing endeavor.
***
I am blessed in many ways, one of which is I am not in need of a salary that would be considered a livable wage, unlike many women returning to the workforce with comparable backgrounds who lose their husbands due to death, disability or divorce.
I took the jobs I could get (at a very low rate of pay), learned my way around and proved my skills " all over again.
I now have a job more commensurate with my education and background, but realize I could have done this job as well when I first started back to work " if only given the chance.
Who knows what things could have been accomplished in that time, for myself and for my employer?
A 10-year gap in work history due to motherhood is scary to many employers, and this is understandable.
However, counting that time as nothing and having it trump genuine consideration of past professional experience is maddening and perplexing.
For me, it was a wake-up call that, as a woman, choosing to leave the workforce is a very serious matter with serious consequences. I would caution all young mothers now to not take it as lightly as I did and recognize that the "what have you done lately?" school of thought rules the day.
I experienced, first hand, the unstated yet implicit opinion by many that being a full-time mom for longer than a couple of months equates to no skill, no brains and no business acumen. It is unfair " which is what all the noise is about " and it shortchanges everyone, but it's a truth and it's a tough one to accept.
***
Another Mother's Day is upon us. The world goes on. Women have babies they stay home to take care of and employers search for good employees. As the resumes are reviewed, one can only hope an assumption will not be made that those two things are mutually exclusive.
Ruth Knestrict Smith is a Kent resident.