If your job is to create education acronyms, these are gold rush days.
Ohio alone has 49 pages of abbreviations for various federal, state and local education programs and organizations. They range from APE (Adaptive Physical Education) and CATS (Commodity Allocation and Tracking System) to STARS (System To Achieve Results for Students) and STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering and Mathematics).
One of the newest is OTES, the Ohio Teacher Evaluation System, which is designed, in the words of the Ohio Department of Education, to "provide educators with a richer and more detailed view of their performance, with a focus on specific strengths and opportunities for improvement."
After a lot of hocus-pocus that includes observations, conferences and student test scores, OTES spits out one of four rankings for each teacher: Accomplished, Skilled, Developing or Ineffective. "Skilled" was formerly called "Proficient," but the PTB -- Powers That Be (see, I can make acronyms, too) -- changed it because they'd already ruined the word through years of mind-numbing proficiency tests for Ohio students.
The consensus of most experts -- i.e., people who make a lot more than I do for doing a lot less -- is that it will be virtually impossible for any teacher to be ranked Accomplished. Rumor has it that Jesus, Socrates, Anne Sullivan and Maria Montessori would all be no better than Skilled under OTES, and Socrates might only score Developing because he habitually answered a question with another question.
I can only guess at the rationale: to give teachers something to strive for, a shining star at the end of the educational firmament. (Like Little Ralphie's teacher in "A Christmas Story," marking an essay A-plus-plus-plus-plus-plus …)
It strikes me as supremely stupid to tell professionals that no matter how hard they work, they will never reach the top rung of the ladder. Imagine how motivation would drop if I told my students at the beginning of the year that, no matter how much they studied and how well they performed, the best grade I would ever give is a B.
Nonetheless, this is the system that I and other teachers around the state will soon operate under, so we'd best get used to it. To gird my loins, I started rating myself using the OTES rubric for various non-educational tasks. Here are the results:
HUSBAND: Chris is fairly conscientious in his duties. He is kind and solicitous 95 percent of the time, but he does occasionally forget anniversaries and birthdays, and he once left his dirty socks on the couch when his mother-in-law came to visit. SKILLED.
FATHER: Works multiple jobs to help defray cost of higher education. Has moved a futon from garage to various dorm rooms and apartments and back again 15X. However, he once told daughter that she "sucked" at soccer. DEVELOPING.
PET OWNER: Dog and cats generally appear clean and well-groomed. Water dishes are filled to within 80 percent of capacity. Nevertheless, dog once peed on neighbor's grass, resulting in angry tirade from neighbor and threat of legal action. INEFFECTIVE.
HOMEOWNER: Yard is frequently mowed and snow is usually removed from walkways (weather-dependent). However, fence in back yard desperately needs repairing, front shrubs need trimming, and attic windows are peeling. DEVELOPING.
COLUMNIST: Submits work on time; has not missed deadline in 12 years. Frequently exaggerates in the name of humor, but is seldom actually funny. Angers people on all sides of issues and never apologizes. Still doesn't know difference between "lie" and "lay." DEVELOPING.
Overall, this exercise has helped me to better pigeonhole my unique talents. Regardless, I can't help but consider the OTES rubric as just another example of Stuff Higher-ups Introduce for Teachers.
And we all know the acronym for that.
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